Lees: Merry Christmas, cuntsmear.

PK: Merry Christmas, ass-castle!

Lees: If I’m the ass-castle, that makes you the gashmoat.

PK: With a fart fortress! And I’m texting you while I pee.

Lees: My taint is the drawbridge. Just pee?

PK: Yes. Would you like me to text again when I take a crap? Or give myself an anal douche?

Lees: Anal douche is actually Gaelic for “rim job.”

PK: Really? I thought it was Swahili for “drink my baby batter.”

Lees: Actually, it’s Welsh for “ass to mouth.”

PK: Oh, I think you’re right. In any case, do you want me to text you from the can?

Lees: Yes please. With pics.

PK: Very well.